Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article do not represent those of apolloKIDZ as a whole, they are simply the opinions of @blackhercules21 and probably will not be agreed with totally. But that’s what the comment box is for…
just make sure all disagreements are expressed politely because, if not, @blackhercules21 reserves the right to whoop your ass.
If you don’t know what a MILF is you should probably go play on the highway. Last month I did a piece on the Best TV Dads and this month was going to be the Best TV Moms, but since I objectify women as nothing more than sexual beings I decided to turn this into the hottest MILFs on television. That was a joke. For clarification purposes, this list was compiled, not on the actual woman’s sexual attraction, but more of that in the character she plays. And the realistic chance one would have to bang her. This list was originally going to be limited to childhood sitcoms but upon further review, there are too many premium channel Milfs that cannot be left off the list. And I’ve never seen an episode of Desperate Housewives…so those ladies got omitted because if any of them have children they are an automatic MILF.
FYI: I was born in 1985 and grew up like most boys with the Milf Hunter as a premiere pornography star during my days of puberty. These factors will, without a doubt, affect my ranking.
7) Nancy Price Botwin (Mary Louise Parker) – Weeds: If this Milf fantasy were to actually happen you’d need two things from your Milf. First she’d need to be attracted to younger men, and second younger men would need to be attracted to her. Well when you find a sexy mom that sells weed, it’s basically checking off both of those boxes right away. Nancy is a widow which makes it even more a possibility to sleep with her because there is no adultery involved. And you can roll one afterwards. Winning!!!
6) Peggy Bundy (Katey Segal) – Married With Children: You don’t know how many times I’ve heard “Oh Al” and wished it was “Ohhhh Herc.” Married to a candidate for Best TV Dad of all time, he wasn’t a very good husband. And Mrs. Redhead over here was definitely eying all the younger guys on the series. Although this escapade may have never come to fruition, if it did I would have made sure her hands were down my pants right on the couch where Al always sat.
5) Charlotte York (Kristin Davis) – Sex & The City: Ain’t nothing like Sex in the City, heaven knows I’ve had my fair share, but in terms of the show, Charlotte was my girl. From the beginning she was the most attractive in the crew. And there’s nothing like bringing the former prom queen or homecoming queen or whatever she was back to her prize days like a fling with a younger man. She’s definitely partaken in sex-only relationships in the past and although I couldn’t have been her “Knight in Shining Armor” I could have let her play with my “sword.” I’m still trying to figure out whether my knowledge of Sex and the City is gonna help or hurt with the ladies.
4) Rachel Crawford (Telma Hopkins) – Family Matters: Family Matters was a large part of my childhood, there weren’t too many school nights that went by with me missing an episode. and for as atrociously unattractive as Harriet was, Rachel was a little bit of a hottie. Again, a single mother, makes it easier to do the deed, but she lived in a house full of people. I probably would have needed my own place. Let’s not pretend like she didn’t work at that little cafe and could probably hook a brother up with a nice meal after we got it on.
3) Denise Huxtable (Lisa Bonet) – Cosby Show: I remember like it was yesterday when my family aka the Cosby family, found out she was pregnant. Especially with a divorced single father…oh man that didn’t go over well. Denise was a free spirit in every form of the word and used to date a few “blackherculish” type guys. Plus she likes to visit Africa…which is definitely on the bucket list. My father has one rule, and it’s not to marry any girl who already has children, reason being, a father always has the right to visit his child and you don’t want that drama. But if I had a chance to marry into the Huxtable family I’m sure he could make an exception.
2) Rebecca “Becky” Donaldson-Katsopolis (Lori Loughlin) – Full House: Besides hearing the Long Island in her voice, she was a hottie because she was so innocent. She was the only adult female in a house full of people and was able to hold it down. She also hosts that morning show which means she’s smart, funny and can think of her feet. Probably not ideal for a one night stand but there’s nothing wrong with dreaming.
1) Rita Bennett (Julie Benz) – Dexter: This may come as a bit of a bias because I’m currently in the midst of Season 6 of Dexter but this is my girl. By far the character with the most baggage, the biggest history of bad choices and mistakes, and probably the best body on top of everything else. Rita is a great all around character. It also helps that she gets naked and has sex on the show every so often. That does nothing but heighten the fantasy. At the end of the day, if she fell for a Blood Splatter Analyst Lab Geek that’s a Serial Killer at night then she for sure would let me hit it.
Eleanor Emerson (Ella Joyce) – Roc: You are probably like who? I know, but I used to stay up and watch Roc with my dad when I was younger and it was something about Eleanor that I can’t put my finger on, but she was a looker. More beautiful than hot, but when has that ever stopped a woman from getting laid?
Betty Rubble – The Flintstones: Hour glass figure, and a great woman to breed with. Her son could bench press Brontosaurus’ at age four. And that was being married to a guy named Barney…imagine what our child would look like? Move over Dwight Howard.
Others Taken Into Consideration
Marge Simpson – The Simpsons: Married to an fat idiot, (aka the 4th best TV Dad of all time) but definitely a looker…smart, funny and undeniably beautiful Marge was…wait a second…I’m talking about another cartoon character. Nevermind.
Vanessa Russell (Holly Robinson Peete) – Hanging W Mr. Cooper: Wasn’t an actual mom but she was HOT and after marrying Mr. Cooper in the last episode you can only assume she was going to be a mom if the show got picked up for a new season.
Kate Austen (Evangeline Lilly) – Lost: She didn’t give birth but she stole the baby and claimed her as her own. If that doesn’t scream “sexy” I don’t know what does. Kate was a bad girl, and although when she became a “mom” she was on the straight and narrow, old habits die hard. And she was drop dead gorgeous.